omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
