You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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