dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize