I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
