I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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