Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
