Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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