Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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