i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
