I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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