i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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