Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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