even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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