Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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