Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
