So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
