Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
