Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

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  (403): If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me http://tfl.nu/3lvx
  Replies (25) Good night (969) Bad night (3445)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i have a girlfriend

  (847): View more from Illinois

  if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no

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  (630): i have a girlfriend (847): if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend? (630): no http://tfl.nu/0yu4
  Replies (40) Good night (5545) Bad night (1752)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

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  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1421) Bad night (13008)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.

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  (812): After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women. http://tfl.nu/7qhk
  Replies (55) Good night (5650) Bad night (1449)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  First date: that requires underwear, huh?

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  (954): First date: that requires underwear, huh? http://tfl.nu/ogif
  Replies (17) Good night (4092) Bad night (973)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

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  (715): Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me. http://tfl.nu/2k2c
  Replies (11) Good night (2510) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference

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  (304): she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference http://tfl.nu/95t7
  Replies (4) Good night (2203) Bad night (579)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

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  (812): You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do. http://tfl.nu/dz7m
  Replies (17) Good night (844) Bad night (2434)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.

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  (541): It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/ky4b
  Replies (6) Good night (1642) Bad night (725)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.

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  (608): I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever. http://tfl.nu/xcdq
  Replies (10) Good night (1153) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world

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  (+61): I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world http://tfl.nu/cuud
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.

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  (708): Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything? (1-708): Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference. http://tfl.nu/anav
  Replies (14) Good night (1325) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I will be over with a bedpan and beer

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  (417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again (1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer http://tfl.nu/dsbf
  Replies (3) Good night (638) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing

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  (702): We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing http://tfl.nu/3hel
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest

  (937): View more from Ohio

  That happened during battle shots lol

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  (937): Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest (937): That happened during battle shots lol http://tfl.nu/pbl3
  Replies (0) Good night (661) Bad night (229)

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