how can u be prego again
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.