You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch