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just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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