I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
