I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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