Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
