i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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