I just pynch a tree in the face
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
