I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
