I puked a lego.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
