There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
