just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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