I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
