We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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