Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
