I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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