Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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