By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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