my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
