Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
