my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i believe in u and ur pee
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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