I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize