I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
