Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
