had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
