I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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