We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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