I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You can't just leave with hair like that
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
