I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
