I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
