No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
