Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
