I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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