i love accidental penises.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
