So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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