Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
