You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
