i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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