my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
