Already got asked if we're dating
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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