I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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