If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
