Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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