and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
what is it with giant penises always finding me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
