She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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