It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
