I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
