I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
