paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
