Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
