Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
