i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
