i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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