you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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