you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
