I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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