I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
