I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
