It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
