she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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