Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
