i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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