Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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