That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
