69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
