best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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