She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
