i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
